Welcome. Have a bag.

A sweet, but totally financially draining, tradition is the welcome bag for out of town guests. Why, oh why, must you spend even more money on people who will be enjoying the fruits of your labor at your wedding? Simply put? It's your wedding. You are getting enjoyment out of it. They are spending a boatload of cash to fly out, stay at a hotel, rent a car, find a babysitter for the kids/dog/fish, and buy you a gift so the least you can do for these friends & family making the extra effort is say a special thank you for their commitment to your friendship.

That being said, you don't have to go broke with the welcome bags. Here are some fun things to include that will not break the bank:

- Transportation Maps. If you're getting married in a city, these are a lifesaver for out-of-towners and usually free. Just pick some up at your local subway or bus stop.

- Time Out [insert city here]. These magazines are great and have a zillion things to do that will keep your family & friends from trying to spend time with you when you're trying to prep for the wedding.

- A Transportation Fare Card. Again, super useful, relatively cheap (depending on how many people you're buying for), and keeps people out of your hair and lets them explore the city.

- Brochures for the area. These are especially helpful if you're getting married somewhere in a smaller town or in the country. They usually contain maps and directions to the points of interest and give your visitors a chance to explore someplace they may not have been.

- A local treat. This can range from a local brew (you only need to include 1 bottle of beer per guest) to the town's famous fudge to a genuine Washington apple (if you're getting married in, say, Washington).

- Travel directions from their location to the ceremony/reception. Incredibly easy and cheap to execute and incredibly helpful to your guests and you. (This avoids those 10 phone calls you'd get while getting your hair done of "how do I get there? I left my directions at home.")

And you don't have to make an individual bag for each guest. If there's a couple, 2 friends traveling together, a family, etc. make 1 bag per room. Then put as many items as needed for each member in the bag. You'll save money on the amount of bags, tissue paper, ribbon, etc that you need to purchase.

Most importantly, your guests will be touched that you thought of them and the good karma is priceless.

p.s. Love the bags pictured here? You can get them at Keikigifts' Etsy page!

Place Cards

Place cards can be a super cute, super fun way to personalize your wedding (and your dad, mother-in-law or venue manager probably won't argue with you on this because it's an easy detail to forget).

There are so many ways you can do cute, cheap placecards. One of my favorites is the mini-topiary tree, which are great for green-minded couples and can double as your favor (see photo, from Beaucoup stationary's site: www.beau-coup.com ).

Another fun idea for a garden-themed or outdoor reception is a short glass of berries with a toothpick flag sticking out of the berries. (A great snack to keep guests busy and from kevetching if the salads are taking a while.)

You can also use the placecards to give subtle cues to the waitstaff: I'm using my black & white theme in my placecards to signify the guests' meal choice to the staff (black for vegetarian, white for meat). Much easier than asking them to memorize seating charts and a touch classier than having them auction off food at the table ("Pork? Anyone for pork?").

Bottom line? White tent cards are boring, and you're so much better than that.

You Must be Kid-ding

Deciding if children will be allowed is almost always a big decision. However you feel about having children at a wedding, it is an increased cost and can be increased planning. (I mean, you have to have SOME means of entertaining them - and no, giving them cake and seating them near your gifts is not enough of a plan.) So for those who decide not to have children at the wedding, how do you tell people politely?

One friend, as I've mentioned before, handwrote in every invited guest's name on the RSVP line so as to avoid confusion on who was invited.

Another friend wrote an FAQ portion of her printed invites with this verbiage for children:

Q. Is this an all ages event?
A. Unfortunately, the size of the venue, general "adult nature" of the wedding and reception limit the attendance. We know that this may be a turn-off for some, but we sincerely hope that it won't prevent you from coming to celebrate with us. We will try to help you arrange convenient childcare for the evening. And who knows... that option might end up being more popular and fun than the wedding and reception themselves.

If you read my RSVP post, you know I left myself wide open for people just telling us how many extra guests they'd be bringing. As such, we ended up having a lot of post-invite conversations and finally decided to allow family to bring children, but no one else (despite the fact that we intended on not allowing children, period).

If you decide to allow some children but not all, make sure there are clear demarcations (like siblings' kids only, etc) so that other people are clearly understand (and are not cornering you) why you aren't allowing their children to come.

RSVPs: Do Not Do This

Please, please, please: learn from my mistake. I thought it was ingenious to add this little "__ # Attending" box so that if one member of the couple couldn't make it they could fill out the right number.

Wrong.

This little box has served for nothing but migraines and countless awkward conversations beginning with "we'd love to have you bring your kids/flavor of the week/paid escort, but we're keeping the wedding intimate due to venue size and it's just not feasible."

Next time my fiance and I get married, I'm definitely NOT including that box and definitely AM handwriting in every invited guest's name into the M__________ line. A friend of mine did that and she definitely had FAR less people calling to ask about bringing uninvited guests and NONE that just wrote them in like hobos. Sheesh.

Minimums Are Not Your Friend

I probably don't need to tell you this but minimums are not a good idea. Whenever possible, avoid them at all costs.

A little story to emphasize the point: a dear friend of mine is getting married in upstate NY in June. In her dream wedding stupor, she signed a venue/catering contract that required a guest minimum. This didn't seem like a big deal at the time as the minimum is 135 guests and she invited 180. AND those 180 were attempting to bring children who were not invited. But here we are, the middle of May, and she is now panicking, trying to come up with warm bodies to meet the minimum to which she committed.

Point being, if a vendor wants you to commit to a minimum, do NOT tell them how many people you're inviting - they will try to convince you of a higher minimum that may land you in the situation above. Tell them you can commit to a minimum that's 50-60% of your guest list, even though you can typically expect 70-80% of your guest list to attend. Or just avoid the minimum altogether.

Hotel Blocks (aka the Bane of My Existence)

Lesson of the day from yesterday: no matter who tells you they won't be able to make it when you send out the save the date or that they'll be driving and not spending the night near your wedding - don't believe them.

Chances are, they will change their minds. And then you wind up with your mother calling you long distance from another country (or state) where she lives crying that she didn't book the room in time and now they're out and you have to call the hotel and negotiate more rooms, if that's even possible, because the insane amount that you set aside is now sold out and she will be on the street unless you do something.

No pressure.

So, please. Learn from the error of my ways. If you think 5 people are going to show up, book 40 rooms. And make sure you are not responsible for paying for any of them. (Just in case it swings the other way...)